Thanks for stopping by. If Instagram brought you here, then I applaud you for taking the time to explore this topic with me further. The photo I posted today was by NO MEANS easy for me. It was really damn hard. I really, really want to prove a point though, and show you women reading this things are never as beautifully and perfectly put together as Instagram may make them seem. Grab yourself a glass of wine or cup of coffee, because this is a loooong post. Without futher ado, let’s get into today’s topic.
Self-love. It only took me twenty five years to figure out what this truly means. If you had asked me two years ago if I loved myself, I would have told you I did. Of course I did! I would have believed it too. It wouldn’t have been true though. It saddens me to know how long I went feeling like I was not worthy or good enough. I can only truly, confidently say I’ve KNOWN what self-love is for about three months now. And what a three months it’s been. Sometimes it takes some really bad shit happening in order for real change to occur.
If you saw my Instagram post, you already saw a brief recap of this, but I’ll go over it on here too. I spent my whole life feeling like I was never ENOUGH. You know? I liked myself, but I didn’t really believe that I was good enough, just as I was. I always needed external things to make me feel whole. Me going anywhere without makeup? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Smiling in a photo? NO WAY. Someone ELSE even suggesting to take my photo? FORGET IT. I was completely insecure. I feel like as women, this is far too common. We are too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too much acne, too old, our hair is too curly- YOU NAME IT. We are so good at amplifying all of our “flaws”, rather than embracing all of the beautiful features we naturally possess, physically and emotionally.
Look through my photos for just five minutes, and you will notice there is NOT ONE of me smiling with my teeth. Why? When I was in high-school, girls told me my chin was “too big” and I was convinced that it looked even bigger when I smiled. Sad, but true, that for ten years after this, I refused to smile because I wouldn’t meet SOMEONE ELSE’S BEAUTY STANDARDS. I refused to be happy and SMILE because someone ELSE told me it wasn’t beautiful enough…
Another point I feel is important to mention is that we need to remember that what is online is never fully REAL. We are great at ensuring we only post what we want the Internet world to see. We will never post the times we are sad and crying, angry, or in our sweatpants with no makeup. We all need to keep this in mind. MOST photos online are carefully edited, Photo-shopped, angled and lit. I’m totally a victim of comparing myself to the Instagram models. I’m sure many of us are. It would serve us all to remember that we only see part of the story on Instagram, not the full book.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do things that make you feel amazing. I’ll probably continue to do my nails, tan, hair and lips and will feel NO SHAME about it. These thing DO make me feel like a million bucks. I like to have upkeep in my home, appearance and life. However, as much as I love doing these things for myself, I know for a fact that real self-love and change comes from inside, not out. Real beauty is internal. I know so many women who are gorgeous on the outside, but complete bitches deep down inside. Does that make you beautiful? I think not.
So you may ask yourself.. what changed? How did I learn to truly love myself? Honestly, I didn’t mean to. I made small changes in my life, which resulted in a happiness I wish I’d known years ago. I started a new job about three months ago. In this role, it’s encouraged for me to be someone else. Someone prestigious, stuffy, and quiet. I realized while fulfilling this “role” that I just couldn’t do it. It isn’t ME.. the ME that I love! It helped me to embrace the real ME even more, and I slowly started to realize how much I like her. The spunky, sassy, kind and loving woman that I am. This role majorly helped me to get to know myself so much better. Changing my relationship with alcohol (this is an area I still have to pay attention to- daily), spending time with positive people, and listening to positive podcasts were all factors that helped me get to this place of self-love.
My view on relationships with men has also drastically changed. For years, and years, and years, and years…. I put up with men who treated me like shit. I think I dealt with it for such a long time that I convinced myself (subconsciously) that this was all that I deserved. I spent almost 6 years of my life, on and off, obsessing over an abusive relationship where I constantly felt unworthy. He made me feel like I was never beautiful, never smart, never enough. But I stayed, because I thought HE was so amazing. Thinking about it today, it actually chills me to the bone. Recently, I had a situation with a man who, at first, was so wonderful. Sweet, caring, a complete gentleman. I was so thrilled. Not even three months later, the dates stopped, the sweet messages stopped, and the affection, all together, stopped. At first, I thought it was me. What did I do wrong? This was my first reaction, like it always is. Instead, I CHOSE to look at it differently. I thought, “what’s wrong with HIM? I deserve so much more than this…” I cut it off. I realized by this point that I deserved so much more than what he could provide me with. Making this decision is empowering beyond belief. I don’t feel stuck anymore, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out by being single. Instead, I’m confident now in the fact that I’m a woman who has a lot to offer and that I will never again settle for less than I deserve.
I know this was a long post, so if you’ve made it this far KUDOS TO YOU & THANK YOU FOR READING! I’m finally starting to feel really damn beautiful in my own skin, and I really hope this post can serve as a reminder to all women reading this that we ALL have flaws, but it doesn’t make us unworthy. We all go through these struggles as women, and I feel that by empowering each other & learning to love ourselves just the way we are is a very beautiful thing. Remember, your inner beauty shines more than anything.
Deep down, as long as you are a beautiful and kind person inside, your beauty will shine on the outside. Never doubt that. I hope that today’s post gave you some inspiration. Now go look in the mirror and smile at everything (even the things that you HATE).
Talk to you soon!
*come follow me on instagram at @victoria_secretxo for daily updates & inspiration!